The Three Needs That People Have In A Conflict
There are many human needs that people have, but in the context of an interpersonal conflict setting, three obvious ones come to mind. As simple as they are, these three needs are often the cause of unnecessary conflict or the escalation of a small dispute because one of the two parties does not realize that they are not meeting the others needs.
To Be Heard & Acknowledged Without Evaluation
During interpersonal communication, the other person has a need for you to listen to their ideas and to acknowledge them. The need to be heard also goes with the need to express one's inner feelings without the fear of evaluation, judgment, or reprisal for making it known.
To Have Options & To Practice Independence
Autonomy is a basic human need. We hate to be forced to do anything without a say or choice in the matter and many of us will resist or defy just based on not having a say in the matter. Parents are the best experts on this need. When we tell our child to go to bed or to brush their teeth, or to eat their vegetables, or take their medicine, what is the one is the #1 response? "No" It's not so much that they don't disagree with the decision, but merely that they want to exert their own independence and free-will into the process. As adults, we are no different, we've just found more creative ways to articulate "No."
To Have Answers, Explanations, & Reasons
Realize that everyone has a curious nature. It is programmed in us. Once our interest is sparked by something, we usually can't leave it alone until we get a satisfactory answer on it. Therefore if we shut someone down with a position that offers no explanation or reason, then this will create resistance and resentment. Bureaucrats and authority figures often get into the bad habit of telling people that nothing can be done because "its policy" or "its the law." This shuts them down without offering an explanation to them that satisfies their need. Their only recourse then is to take it out onto the person by making them the villain.
Secrets Of Resolving Conflict—Why Words Alone Won't Work
When resolving conflict, words alone don't make peace. The secret to resolving conflict with words is SINCERITY. How sincerity is accomplished is by matching your words with your actions, or more specifically, your nonverbal communication.
"I said I was sorry!!"
How many times have you heard that phrase when you were angry and someone else was trying to calm you down with an "I'm sorry." Unless you believe their words, this phrase just doesn't work. Why not? Well, It doesn't work because its an overused phrase. We say or hear "I'm sorry" on a daily basis. We use it when we bump into someone, or when we make a simple mistake. We're desensitized to "I'm sorry," as just being politeness, rather than sincerity. So when someone truly is angry at you and they hear an "I'm sorry" line or some variation of it—it might not always work and in some cases it might anger them because they might interpret it as, "There… I said the magic words, now shut up and stop complaining."
Well then what do I say?
Honestly, it's less of a matter of WHAT you say than it is HOW you say it. Any apology really is a good apology, but the other person has to believe that it is genuine otherwise they will just brush it off as a having no real meaning to them. How is sincerity conveyed? Sincerity is created when your nonverbal communication matches your words. Nonverbal communication includes: body position, eye-contact, gestures, voice modulation, and facial expression—to name only a couple. For the purposes of this article we are not going to go into the nitty-gritty of nonverbal linguistics, but its safe to say that the way you say your words along with your body language is often more important than the words themselves. One of the clearest forms of deception is when the words don't match up with the person's body language. If someone tells you that they are interested, yet their body is not pointed towards you, then this is known as inconsistency. To express genuine emotions, you must make sure that your nonverbal communication is in synch with that of your verbal words. Know that the other person is looking for empathy on your part more than a reason. They also seek some form of acknowledgement from you. They want to have both auditory and visual confirmation that you are telling them the truth because their fears will lead them always to be suspicious of any verbal offering that you give them when they are feeling hurt. When in doubt, just remember this adage: "Mean what you say, don't just say what you mean."
5 Tips For Successful Relationships
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Title: "5 Tips For Successful Relationships"
- by Kathy Thompson
writing4u@faceuptoit-youcan.com
(c) Kathy Thompson - All Rights Reserved
www.faceuptoit-youcan.com
"5 Tips For Successful Relationships!"
"Love conquers all, right?" Well----it's suppose to.
But most marriages will end in divorce. Most of their
problems are about the children, money, or in-laws.
When couples commit to a long relationship, there are
specific personality traits they should have in common.
1. Similiar physical texture (thick skinned/thin skinned)
2. Similiar emotional stability
3. Similiar degree of tolerance
4. Similiar intelligence/understanding of situations
5. Similar Interests
Without these five traits, the couple live on difference
planes, different worlds. They are inclined to drift
apart.
Couples grow by adjusting to their differences, but some
times, the amount of the difference may be too much.
Love provides the reason for being willing to adjust to
the other person's difference from yours.
A frequent question is; "How do I know it's real love?"
The answer may be that when you are enjoying something
special - ex: a movie, a sunset, flower, song, and you
long to have your partner to share it with. The
degree of longing will determine how much in love you are.
Growth in a relationship should come from; doing things
together, allowing things to happen, accepting them as
is, and changing what you can. It involves sharing and
caring.
Couples usually don't mind working at their relationship
as long as they have a closeness to each other. They
don't want divorce, they want understanding. Divorce is
usually a rebellion at not being able to get through to
each other. The couple are still in love, that's why it
hurts so much to part.
There is a story of a couple who had been engaged for
seven years. The young lady didn't have the courage to
commit. They had their personalities profiled and
learned to adjust to each other's personalities. They
understood each other as individuals and their relationship
flourished.
To perfect your relationships "Secrets For A Happier Love
Life" is now available to help you. Get your FREE e-course
at; http://www.faceuptoit-youcan.com/ssale.html
Contact Kathy at; success4u@faceuptoit-youcan.com
